Monday, July 28, 2008

All my life I'm looking for the magic

The circus rolled into town the other day. I went, if only because I had nothing else to do. This carnival had been built up so much by my six year old mind. I remembered lions, fire, elephants, a charismatic ringleader. I looked forward to this carnival like Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one. I wasn't even disappointed when I went, it was all a huge spectacle, larger than life, everything I wanted it to be.

But the circus never came again. I remember waiting for an announcement every summer, wanted so badly for it to roll back into town. Perhaps because of this it had been built up so much.

Anyway, it came back, many years later, and I bought my ticket to go. I sat in my seat and waited for the ringleader to arrive, jubilant and peppy. Imagine my surprise when an older and less self-assured man strolled out, speaking into a microphone (a microphone for God's sake). His voice was a little more warbled, less confident in himself. I was let down immediately.

Then out came the animals, but they weren't as big as I remembered them. The lions didn't seem as terrifying, the elephants weren't as towering.

But then I realized, it was these little things, the cracks and flaws, that made the circus so endearing to me as an adult. I wasn't as easily awed or scared anymore, instead I found the magic in the way the lions were so agile, and less barbaric. I found the ringleader to overcome his insecurity and begin clicking wit the audience.

It wasn't the same as my six year old's circus, but I loved it all the same.

Dwight Twilley Band - Looking for the Magic

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